I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He did a backflip because drugs
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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