I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
