You just made me feel so damn special
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
