when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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