maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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