I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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