sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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