5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
