I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
