i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
