My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
