I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
