Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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