Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
