you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
