my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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