I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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