Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
