I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
