Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
