I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
