Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
