roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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