when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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