and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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