I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
they call him Oral-B. enough said
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
