ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
