i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
