i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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