Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
