I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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