I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
