somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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