Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
