She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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