as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
