My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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