she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
