I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
soo... how was my night?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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