Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
