It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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