Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
