it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
