I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
