shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
