I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
