So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There r osticjed everywhere
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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