Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
