I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
