New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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