we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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