Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
