she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
