We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
