if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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