Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
