already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
