Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
