her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Randomize
