Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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