I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
