i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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