Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
